12 Follicles

I have 12 follicles. One of them is too big. A few of them are too small. A few might be just right.

I had bloods and an ultrasound this morning. I spoke to the clinic a couple of hours ago and they want me back in there tomorrow for the same. They say it’s looking like an egg pick-up Monday or Tuesday. I’m afraid something will happen and it won’t work again. I’m afraid it will work too.

I’m bloated and kind of achey, as if my period were coming. And I’m fairly emotional. I had to keep it together while I was talking to the nurse. Monday is only a few days away. This thing is happening. Maybe.

Speaking of nurses; I’ve noticed on some blogs people have names for the nice ones and the irritating ones. I’m having trouble thinking of a name for the one I encountered this morning. But when I do, it won’t be very flattering. She’s as big as a house but somehow manages to look like a muppet. And she really enjoys the power of the probe.

On Wednesday she shoved it in so fast it took my breath away, and funnily enough I had a little trouble relaxing after that. Then she proceeded to give me a lecture about how I was too tense and that I should insert the probes myself for the ultrasounds. This did not appeal to me at all. Mostly because I find the whole experience deeply awful and I’d rather be in denial than interact with that god-awful phallus with a greasy glove on, and also because if I’m sitting up trying to insert it myself, I’m tensing my stomach muscles which makes it even harder than it already is. Anyway today, fate being what it is, I get her again. “I remember you!” she booms. “Likewise” I say. So I’m sitting on the chair naked between my cardigan and my long woolly socks and I say “If you could just take it slow, I’ll be fine”. Personally I don’t believe people with her job should have to be asked to respect the pace of the patient. But apparently this was unacceptable to her; “Oh no, I’ve been doing this for twenty years and I know about patients like you. You’re doing it yourself”! Big H was in the room. He wasn’t much help at this point. In hindsight I think he may have found it fairly entertaining. Although he did wince and tried to look the other way while the enormous nurse stood there -hands on hips – and I pointed the cold stick in the general direction of my vagina. Eventually it went in enough for me to take my hands off and then I lay back, hands free; “I need to lie back now, you can do the rest”. She didn’t have much choice. I noticed that it didn’t seem to be nearly as far in today as it was on Wednesday. Afterwards she congratulated me for being better behaved. I could have pinched her on the arm.