Lucrin injections and Headaches

I think I may have been kidding myself about the caffeine free tea. Going by the headache I’ve had for the last 24 hours – since I stopped drinking it – I am assuming I’m in caffeine withdrawal. I stumbled into a health food shop on the weekend and found some roasted dandelion coffee substitute. It’s flavoured with chicory, which I suppose is cheating a bit, but it’s actually kind of yummy. The best thing about it is the beautiful coffee colour – very convincing. God, listen to me, what a tragic. So the upshot is I am now genuinely off the caffeine. I’m drinking roobios tea – not great, but bearable, and totally non-caffeine.

I’ve been doing more reading about the caffeine factor and it really does seem to be an issue for both parties. Big H has struggled even more than me to give it up – but he’s trying.

I had to start the Lucrin injections without him last week because he’s been away. Turns out it was easier doing it myself anyway, although the moral support is nice. He’s back now and tried to help me this morning but he must not have been very awake because he fumbled the needle, dropped it, and caught it with the back of his hand. Needle straight through the knuckle of his index finger. I could tell it really hurt. I haven’t stuck myself, but I did notice a slightly dazed feeling when I started the Lucrin again. I felt sort of stunned – like I’d walked into a wall or something. I know it’s the Lucrin because it was like that the first time too. I also had real trouble staying awake in the afternoons for the first couple of days. Mood wise, I’m struggling a bit, but that’s more me than the Lucrin I think.

Second Cycle; the stakes are rising

I felt sort of numb after my first cycle was cancelled. And it seemed so long for my period to come – it was about 10 days late in the end. I don’t remember thinking about it all that much. I just got on with things. Now I’m about to start the early morning clinic visits and blood tests again and I’m realising I feel just that little bit more anxious that it works.

There was a story in the paper yesterday about a local news reader who is pregnant after the 11th IVF cycle. 11 Cycles!! I know I don’t have that in me. Let alone the thousands and thousands of dollars to put into it. She’s just passed 12 weeks; so hopefully she gets her baby. I said two cycles, maximum, when we started. Do I count the cancelled one? Does this new one have to be the one? Or maybe the cancelled one was like a trial, and it doesn’t count… I just don’t know how I’m going to feel.

Preparation for IVF – can it ever be good enough?

I told someone I was doing IVF the other day. She said “Oh, so I suppose you’re taking all the herbal supplements and getting treatments and things..” My heart sank a little. No, I’m bloody not. I’m trying to get on with my actual life, and get pregnant too. Having spent months on herbs and being really obsessive, with no discernible results for me or Big H, this time we’ve taken the just-do-our-best approach. There is always going to be something else we could have done. More we could have spent, more organic food we could have eaten, more wheatgrass we could have drunk, more acupuncture we could have had. We could have cleansed, toned and moisturized our reproductives and meditated more often on the souls of unborn children. If it doesn’t work – there will always be the question about why. In the meanwhile I figure the best possible thing I can do is not torture myself. So that’s what I’m trying to do. First blood test in two days time…