Is there such as thing as “psychological infertilty”?

My therapist put something interesting to me the other day which was really hard to hear, but I know it’s true. And that is, I operate on a pretty “masculine” level most of the time. I’m not a gender separatist, but I do believe that it makes sense to basically divide certain characteristics into masculine and feminine. Importantly, I also believe that both men and women carry both kinds of characteristics and ideally should be able to draw on them appropriately depending on what the situation requires.

So, my “masculinity” shows in my extreme need to analyse and make sense of things logically. To organise information systematically. To hold onto my feelings tightly and to remain in control. None of these things are problems in themselves; my therapist’s point was that I’m unbalanced. I don’t allow myself to be chaotic, I punish myself for not achieving, and I don’t nurture myself when I feel bad. Masculine, feminine, whatever; the point is I’m out of touch with myself and it’s stopping me from moving forward in my life. It’s hard to explain, but it was one of those moments where I knew I was touching on something true about myself.

The reason I’m putting it down here is because I am starting to wonder if and where this might fit into my infertility. It’s hard to summarise a life of feelings, but; the simple truth is I have never been very self accepting, certainly never felt good about my body, never really seen myself as a “real” woman; empowered and sexually confident. The more I think about it the more I realise that it many ways, especially regarding my sexuality – my womanliness and all that entails; I’ve felt… incomplete, disconnected…not ready.

Whether this has anything to do with having babies, I can’t really say. The question in the back of my mind is, of course, do I have time to find out?