Caffeine Compromises Fertility
It’s official. Well official enough for me. My dear friend who’s a naturopath rang me the other day with some research she’s been looking into. It seems that caffeine increases dopamine (no surprises there). The problem is in the way the dopamine interacts with estrogen. I can’t remember the explanation exactly but the gist of it was every little jolt of caffeine – that is the amount you get in a standard caffeinated soft drink – temporarily lowers your fertility. It recovers, but if you’re taking in caffeine every day you’re probably operating on a less fertile system than you could be. I seriously doubt if I can get any less fertile, but talking to her strengthened my resolve to get back on the wagon with the coffee. My intake was creeping up again, so now I’m trying to get excited about tea leaves. Low caffeine tea leaves. They’re called “Formosan” in case anyone’s interested. Naturally tannin free and low caffeine.
Contraceptive Blues
I feel like crap by the way. I’m kind of blaming being back on the pill. I don’t know if that’s true. My head hurts and I’d quite like to stay in bed. I keep trying to engage Big H in screwy, emotionally enmeshed conversations about what’s going wrong in our relationship. Nothing is. I just feel like crap and I can’t stand it so I dump it on him. He’s very sympathetic, but there’s a limit to how much misery anyone can take, and I don’t want to wear him out, because for all I know it could be down hill from here!
Which is why I’ve started seeing a therapist. We don’t really talk about IVF that much, so far. We’ve mostly talked about the fact that I cry when people are nice to me in supermarkets.
I’m still not talking to anyone about IVF really. It seems ungrateful but I just find the attempts at support by people who don’t get it to be so woefully inadequate that I end up feeling sorry for them. When I think about before this was happening to me, I know that no matter how sincerely I might have tried I could not have really got how this feels. I don’t even know how to describe it now, and it is happening to me.
Just to be clear; the extent to which I’m not talking about it goes to the fact that I haven’t told either of my parents we’re doing IVF. My brother is the only one who knows and he seems to find it pretty hard to talk about so we usually don’t. My naturopath friend is the only person who’s really up to date. I don’t know how that compares to other people? Do you think I’m making a mistake?
Yes, I’m aware it’s clear that the relationships in my family are clearly not very emotionally open. Which is why I’m protecting myself I guess. I figure if it works I won’t care what they think and if it doesn’t I’ll never have to face talking about it with people I don’t feel safe with. Not very psychologically mature of me but there it is.
Anyway I’m off to make an apple tea cake, with blueberries on top.
on August 14, 2008 on 3:41 am
I’m back, too. First things first–my pregnancy test was negative which was not a big surprise as by Sunday I was bleeding like crazy. My doctor still wanted me to come in on Monday morning to have bloodwork done so I did that.
Am not sure how I feel emotionally (although I already feel much better physcially after these four artifically-high hormone weeks). Of course I am disappointed since I allowed myself to think that the planets were aligned and everything had happened that was supposed to happen (I had four mature follicles over 16 mm when they did the IUI). But I am surprised to admit that there is also a weird sense of relief and that takes me back to my earlier post–it if is meant to be then it will be. And maybe I am not meant to have children (even though I always imagined I would). Or, quite possibly, the disappointment is so great I’m just not allowing myself to tap into it at this moment. Not sure what is going on. I did cry on Saturday about it when the spotting was clearly developing into a full flow.
About not sharing your IVF with many people–I think that is natural (which is probably why so many people blog anonomously about the subject). Neither of my parents are alive but my sister knows (as do a few close friends for one reason or another). However, my brother, who is a year older than I am, and his wife just had their first baby three months ago (she is fifteen years younger than he is, surprise, surprise) and I have not shared this with them. Who knows why we choose the people we choose to tell. It is probably those we trust the most to not exploit that vulnerability. By going through IUI or IVF we are making a strong statment–”I am willing to do a lot because I WANT this very much”. And if we do not get it than that may weaken us in the eyes of people who cannot be trusted to be kind or good. All of which would add to the sense of failure. So do not feel obligated to talk to people about this– the whole process is a very personal, intimate “journey” (for lack of a better word) and should be protected. In my case, I have the added worry about people passing judgement about my age. I am totally fit, play tennis every week, look at least 7-8 years younger than I am but I still worry about family/friends saying (behind my back) “isn’t that ridiculous at her age”. Of course, if I were to get pregnant I wouldn’t care what they said (just as you pointed out).
My doctor is on vacation this week and I want to talk to him before deciding what the next step is. I do know that if we go through one more cycle it won’t be for another two months–I need a break from living/breathing the whole thing.
BTW, I am still trying to adhere to as little caffeine as possible and trying to stay on the wagon regarding alcohol consumption. The three weeks between my IUI and pregnancy test represented the longest stretch in my adult life abstaining from both and I must say I felt pretty good. I also think it’s a good idea to stick with this while I contemplate one more cycle in October… It can’t hurt!
on August 19, 2008 on 10:09 pm
Hey Slangy
How are you holding up? I imagine it’s been up and down. I had waves of what I guess would best be described as grief and anger after my cycle got canceled, interspersed with numbness. So to get as far as the pregnancy test must be a whole other thing.
I know what you mean about the planets being aligned and things. A couple of times before IVF but when we were doing natural therapy treatments, I became so convinced it was going to happen. And of course – nothing. I think the interaction of the emotional/ hormonal/ biological system is veeeeeeery complex.
Like I said in that last post, I’m seriously considering the possibility that I’m stopping myself from getting pregnant – on some level.
Assuming your still on the wagon re coffee and alcohol (and even if you’re not) – I totally support you and am on the same bus!